insomnia
Thursday, January 28, 2010 10:53 AM
i know i'm very stress.. and its now 2.53am and im still up in the living room. i have cried numerous time.. eyes are swollen.
i have try not to think about work, i have try to walk in the forest in my dream, i try watching simple life in channel 5, try listening to 95fm from mp3, try listening to my other songs in MP3. and now, i ended blogging. i may go read a book later..
the worst thing is, im havng fleu and cough and it makes me feel more emo-ish. i just finish closing and it wasnt a good one. the 2 girls in my co =. had to end up doing my b/s and P& L for me. which is really bad, cos they know what to do and they were just trying to finsih my work for me. this is my first time closing a full set. and i'm already taken back with my ability in this field. i know i shouldnt think too much, i need more practise.
i don know if i'm moving too fast being in my position. im still learning though, but it has become tougher, my mind is swallowing every unwanted details, i'm lost with the whole procedure and there is no one i can realy turn to in my co. the bad thing about my co is, we are all doing our own stuff and we don't know what others are doing. i have no one to consult to when i have problems and there seems to be no team building in my co. we see each other parish and answer for themselves. its like a hassle to ask question.. no one tells you what to do, you just have to find it for yourself, but with the work load that im carrying, i feel like its hard to ask (infact there is no one to ask other then my boss though) i don like the idea of asking stupid question to my boss.
i had been busy for the past 2 weeks and i ot-ed everyday. my body was kind enough to help receive all the aches. but my mind had been deadly. its always in the scared mode, and the stressed i had during uni-exams has been hunting me again. my heart pound fast, i think of the negatives, i have the 'i can't make it' mentality. i couldnt sleep. i woke up in the middle of the night crying. my world close when people try to enter. i try to cheer myself with the 'i can earn alot in my future' which is really crapy, thinking you are not who you are to strive this much. its all coming back and i don feel myself being like this when i'm in Archi.
What are the odds that i may end up tendering. i can't feel myself serving well for the co. i had to end up asking the 2 girls for help in my next closing. maybe im not lucky with any job.. every job i got into, i end up reporting to my boss. can't i just be a normal acct assistant for a year? now i know why pple left the co. within 6 months. now i know why i always compare accts to archi, and archi ace it for most.
now iknow how its like to have insomnia, forcing myself and and cry for goodness sake. the medicne isnt working for me though, what kind of drowsy effect i have. im tired.. but my mind isnt stopping..
Fuck! i hate my job!!!
2009
Tuesday, January 05, 2010 2:46 AM
-Chinese new year, with the usual family
-Ah gong's 97th birthday
-farewell dinner for cousin allan; going away to sweden for half a year
-CNY at dearest's friends place
-dearest project in Tuas and he bring me to Raffles Country club for drinks.
-giap's place (CNY)
-last straw of lessons.. thats the hard working Jiapei copying MSM notes after lec.
-ber's return, gathering at weiqi's house.
-oh, and the first time we collect angpao from her.
-chill out with wes and xy on a weekday when we have no lesson
Uni-poks in minds cafe - dearest saw the siaoness in me when I play games. i think he was shocked. haha
-met up with wesley -sentosa and bottle tree park, driving up north with wesley-_-(speechless)
- dearest left work early, walk in the park with his fav blue berry and jelly. i love walking in the park with dearest. clear our heads with the nonscense we face in reality
-dearest and myself first valentine day dinner and hangout place
-he knows i love swing, so dearest brought me to swing, and i realise he don know how to swing.. how cute.. well he is pro now(mus see who is the teacher)
-attended my sec school, band cum classmate wedding on valentine day: jiahui
-Weiqi daughter's full month old
-naimei's 23rd birthday in (don rem)
-paul and me in school
-derrick and me in school!
-dearest and me in WCP, first time in that kart.(celebraing cousin 7th birthday)
-and than baack to study.. study and study in Ngee Ann.. damn scary for myself.(econs in the pic)
- the carpark dearest and denise parked when we study there.
- but will never forget my colourful, everything -u-need mphosis pencil box(which is now lying on the table )-sad
-oh, flowers dearest give are usually alive after a year. -_-'' thats the pot of flower that dearest give me. its now outside my house. hehe.
-liying's 23rd birthday steamboat and iluma
dearest reward myself basketball ramen after hours of studies..
-studying in NUS engin block.
-JP and i have matching cheapo shoes. its really good.
-brought dearest to bali thai
-pigeon dearest help to build the nest
-kingfisher snap outside dearest house
(fish and birds and animals are dearest favourite. )
-mexican food (and dearest loveeeeeeeeeeeee food!)
and puffy flew into my house, and i gave puffy to dearest mum.
she is sssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo cute lo. so small, so puffy!! chirpy sunbird
-study again..in library with the 6 cups card at galilee for only $12 something.
-daddy's birthday
-dearest help me catch elle. so cute... but we spend alot on him, i chose the blue one over the grey one
-bro's 16th birthday at Swenson.
-dearest got me 2 mickey mouse- Oct and Aug. sweet!
-after exam, blading with the uni-peeps
-puffy die(no more bird for now) , we bury him under a tree below his block
-nonya food i recommend to dearest
-we love blading!
-bought a cake for dearest- he say i seldom get him food..
-Jolene, less then a month old
-weihua's bdae in pasir ris chalet.
blading with the usual uni-click, but we had a full attendance that day(almost full)
picnic, kite flying with nm and aen
fishing, crayfishing, first time jigging for myself.
-brought dearest to helipad one day cos dearest feel like drinking.. in the end, we were so bored there..
-we got something from the lucky draw...
-tan clan- ah gong n his best friend
and the best part for the year- me and dearest first trip to perth!other then being a graduate la.
sister's convocation- yea!!! we're finally graduates
Aen's farewell bbq birthday in liying's condo. -study in Taiwan for free lei.
wesley birthday in sentosa
-dearest birthday cum our one year aniversary in changi hotel.
-we had jap food (our fav)
save money, take grad pics ourself. hehe.
my birthday initiate by this 2ladies. its a special friendship i cherish very much. love ya nm and liying.. ok and xinkai too
-and my quiet birthday picnic with dearest..i prepare all the food though.
-birthday pressy dearest got it so last minute.. haha
-met up with cousins again for lunch
-another photo of the elle and the minnie dearest got for me (we were crazy in catching toys in arcade.. spend hell alot..)
the only meet up i had with my poly friends.. all are busy with own stuff.
-first pool session with dearest, where i win none...
first accounts job with a bunch of lovely collegues. hopefully to get my career right here.
thats us in Region hotel for christmas lunch. yummy italian.
denise doggy.christmas outing with m and liying. impromptu dinner with BE Club
sebby birthday
christmas!!
-made a box for dearest , chuck all the nonsence inside and gave it to him.
-my christmas pressy from liying. love carousel!,
-getting the same shirts in the boutique.
that kinda sum up my 2009
and for a new year, i would stick with losing some weights, love my job, feel happy with what ever that has become lesser, love my notty boy,less spending but still travel.
Monday, December 28, 2009 7:21 AM
met up with denise and JP for dinner at the west.
love this 2 ladies who walk with me thru my uni days.
..............................................................................................
Impromptu-BE gathering..
it was suppose to be me meeting with cel for a dinner. we use to have that after both of us graduate, maybe like twice a year or so. but both of us had been really busy.. with schools and work.. we kinda drifted apart before this meet-up. and then she offer to call darren and Alex out, and since i thought the gangs are out, why not bringing in more? and i ask the rest except for parrot-_- which turn out to be pretty interesting. the same people that we had so much fun then.
the guys.
and the girls, which also include melona who left for some movie after.
and not forgetting the empty cups..
.............................................................................................................
Our Christmas lunch with collegues starts with a firedrill, with us being so serious, bringing our bags down. but e were leaving for Region Hotel for Italian buffet.
my wonderful collegues.
and i met up with fenfen for a short shopping. girls talk.. and hen home..
disappointed..
Sunday, December 13, 2009 6:03 AM
when dearest told me he had be offer a place in UWA, i was half crying and half happy about it. well i was OT-ing then. but to end this enthusiaum short. he had to reject this offer. and rejecting it means he had to stay in his sucky job. i know dearest had be sad lately.. giving up this master is a very hard decision which he had to decide it this weekend.
so it happen:
it was like September, he had enquired about this master course with UWA and the professor was asking him to register it first.($200 registration fee) so, we chance upon a free registration for OZ schools on October. Last Tuesday, UWA called, interviewed him, told him if he got an email from them, it means he have been accepted. and then, he got accepted!. i think it's not easy to be offer a place because this course last 2 years, and every two year, there will be a new batch of 20 students. and out of 20 students, they accept 15% overseas students. dearest should be lucky in a way but.. the scholarship from SGH failed, and there is no way he can afford this course. its like 30k oz per year.. convert it, it would be like 80k for the 2 year excluding the expenses. sigh... I hope some kind hearted soul would help sponsor his school fees.. but he just emailed them-rejcting the offer.
his parents wasn't supportive unlike my parents, they were telling me, if he could, he should go, take a loan and get thru this 2 years. is like buying a 80k car, the only thing is 80k would bring you to a cert but a car can only last you for 10 years. a better investment though.
well, i had try to change his mind, but there is no way he could part this 80k(from gods no where it would drop down) and then start all over again.
i know dearest is having a hard time right now.. seeing him feeling so lost about what he can do.. and how he is stuck in a sucky working environment. i hope i could help him somehow.. but... i just hate what god is giving him right now..(maybe i shouldn blame god)
2 months of hoping that he could finally change his path.. but 2days to realise he is still at the same spot..
TMD!
im not involved=(
Saturday, December 05, 2009 11:16 PM
The family is having a short gateaway and sadly, i'm not involved. the usual genting once a year should be over for me. seriously, working has alot of restricton. especially those impromptu travelling the family suddenly organise. The worst part is, the family is taking the vehicle away and i would be stuck taking the bus early morning.. I wonder if i could wake up on time. im thnking of staying over at bran's for the 5 workign day.. hehe, he could drive me to work.. lets see how..
travel.
Friday, November 27, 2009 8:59 AM
was looking at some stuff in my cardboard and i realized my last year birthday present from dearest was still wrapped and kept away nicely in the box. So, i decided to take out and snap a few shots before stuffing it in my cardboard again. its too precious to be expose.don't want it to be stack with dust. oh and a few of other stuff i bought in Orlando last year December. its already almost a year when i celebrated a really specially and fantastic Christmas. the feeling is just 'too overwhelming' and i can't wait to go back to Orlando again. beautiful people, amazing atmosphere.. -indescribably.
dearest hand-made this for me last year. so sweet of him. and his mum help in wrapping the present. he sux with papers. and an aeroplane, which i have yet to fixed it. i need a proper pen knife though.
i bought a lot of souvenirs while traveling and its usually stuck in my cardboard after im back from whereever the place is. and now, i seems to stack alot of stuff and i wonder if my room's slab would ever take it.(i share a room with my sis) it always occured to me if the slabs would ever let go and fall to the 19th floor while im asleep. travelling makes me happy, makes my heart lighten, lft my spirits, makes me feel another type of reality in the world. sometimes, people just tend to think of issues surrounding themself, but they never get to see the real big picture of the world to realise, we're actually a small issues within a big colony of human beings.
a must-ride in Disneyland.
dumbo!!
Lets talk about some issues that happen during a few of my first interviews after graduating in UOL. Some Mnc Co. has gave me an opportunity to be interview and i screwed it real hard. Infact, i got told off because i was too truthful about my goals in the near future. its not like i can read the butch's mind though. ok she is kinda nice, telling me what went wrong for the interview and what employers might expect and i was really disappointed about myself for being such a bad liar or an unprepared interviewee or rather a loser in an interview. i was so disappointed and i cried infront of brandon..its like, its the biggest setback to me then...how silly.
humans around are all different. but we tend to make them change in order to suit our demands and needs in what we want to see them. and so, travelling is realy different! it makes us see the difference in how each of us are who we are in and out. we can see how pple bribe to get on their ways in vietnam. how courteous a waitress is to get tips from us. How friendly are some different colour skins in many part of the world. and then, it all comes down to, its just a small issue to myself if we tend to look at the bigger picture.
Lately, or rather fort-nightly, hehe, i have been talking about my future with him. theres so much things occuring about money that i had a hard time assuring him. i felt guilty sometimes when i tend to think that i would prefer a rich man and then i wont have to worry about monetary issues. its quite sad because if anyone would have know me long enough, my goal in life is to travel around the world..(it also means i need aot of money for that) travelling is like the only interest that perks my emotions and making me stronger and forward looking for any craps in life i have gone true(you know? its like escapade?)-in a good way. like recently, i send a guy friend home, and during our journey back to his place, we were talking about countries we had explore and yearning for another place soon. and people tend to think that you're rich because you got to travel this place and that place. but seriously?! what i have spend for the past many years to save up a trip? if a commoner can give up spending in their car, or shopping less branded goods and have that passion to travel, he or she could do the same too?! not many people are lucky to be an air stewardess to travel, or having biz trips , or even being sponsor. I! need to fork out a large amount to do what i like. but recently, i have to freeze all this thoughts because of my future with brandon. im really worry.. and sad too.. but i hope i could physco him for another cheaper trip..
who can sponsor me for my travelling.....................
Teambonding with Manila Team.
Thursday, November 26, 2009 5:03 PM
my department had a team-bonding with the Manila's Team while they were here for a short know-us session. A good way to know who im communicating while querying some issues with the Manila people. they are quite a nice bunch of young peeps. cam-whoring like nobody business.
Team-bonding means having half day at work, and half day doing something else. so the program was to go for bowling to know our people well. im no good in bowling, my balls doesnt roll straight. TMD. wadever la. and after bowling, we went to their apartment for buffet dinner while celebrating some november children's birthday.
