i know i'm very stress.. and its now 2.53am and im still up in the living room. i have cried numerous time.. eyes are swollen.
i have try not to think about work, i have try to walk in the forest in my dream, i try watching simple life in channel 5, try listening to 95fm from mp3, try listening to my other songs in MP3. and now, i ended blogging. i may go read a book later..
the worst thing is, im havng fleu and cough and it makes me feel more emo-ish. i just finish closing and it wasnt a good one. the 2 girls in my co =. had to end up doing my b/s and P& L for me. which is really bad, cos they know what to do and they were just trying to finsih my work for me. this is my first time closing a full set. and i'm already taken back with my ability in this field. i know i shouldnt think too much, i need more practise.
i don know if i'm moving too fast being in my position. im still learning though, but it has become tougher, my mind is swallowing every unwanted details, i'm lost with the whole procedure and there is no one i can realy turn to in my co. the bad thing about my co is, we are all doing our own stuff and we don't know what others are doing. i have no one to consult to when i have problems and there seems to be no team building in my co. we see each other parish and answer for themselves. its like a hassle to ask question.. no one tells you what to do, you just have to find it for yourself, but with the work load that im carrying, i feel like its hard to ask (infact there is no one to ask other then my boss though) i don like the idea of asking stupid question to my boss.
i had been busy for the past 2 weeks and i ot-ed everyday. my body was kind enough to help receive all the aches. but my mind had been deadly. its always in the scared mode, and the stressed i had during uni-exams has been hunting me again. my heart pound fast, i think of the negatives, i have the 'i can't make it' mentality. i couldnt sleep. i woke up in the middle of the night crying. my world close when people try to enter. i try to cheer myself with the 'i can earn alot in my future' which is really crapy, thinking you are not who you are to strive this much. its all coming back and i don feel myself being like this when i'm in Archi.
What are the odds that i may end up tendering. i can't feel myself serving well for the co. i had to end up asking the 2 girls for help in my next closing. maybe im not lucky with any job.. every job i got into, i end up reporting to my boss. can't i just be a normal acct assistant for a year? now i know why pple left the co. within 6 months. now i know why i always compare accts to archi, and archi ace it for most.
now iknow how its like to have insomnia, forcing myself and and cry for goodness sake. the medicne isnt working for me though, what kind of drowsy effect i have. im tired.. but my mind isnt stopping..
Fuck! i hate my job!!!
-Chinese new year, with the usual family
-Ah gong's 97th birthday
-farewell dinner for cousin allan; going away to sweden for half a year
-CNY at dearest's friends place
-dearest project in Tuas and he bring me to Raffles Country club for drinks.
-giap's place (CNY)
-last straw of lessons.. thats the hard working Jiapei copying MSM notes after lec.
-ber's return, gathering at weiqi's house.
-oh, and the first time we collect angpao from her.
-chill out with wes and xy on a weekday when we have no lesson
Uni-poks in minds cafe - dearest saw the siaoness in me when I play games. i think he was shocked. haha
-met up with wesley -sentosa and bottle tree park, driving up north with wesley-_-(speechless)
- dearest left work early, walk in the park with his fav blue berry and jelly. i love walking in the park with dearest. clear our heads with the nonscense we face in reality
-dearest and myself first valentine day dinner and hangout place
-he knows i love swing, so dearest brought me to swing, and i realise he don know how to swing.. how cute.. well he is pro now(mus see who is the teacher)
-attended my sec school, band cum classmate wedding on valentine day: jiahui
-Weiqi daughter's full month old
-naimei's 23rd birthday in (don rem)
-paul and me in school
-derrick and me in school!
-dearest and me in WCP, first time in that kart.(celebraing cousin 7th birthday)
-and than baack to study.. study and study in Ngee Ann.. damn scary for myself.(econs in the pic)
- the carpark dearest and denise parked when we study there.
- but will never forget my colourful, everything -u-need mphosis pencil box(which is now lying on the table )-sad
-oh, flowers dearest give are usually alive after a year. -_-'' thats the pot of flower that dearest give me. its now outside my house. hehe.
-liying's 23rd birthday steamboat and iluma
dearest reward myself basketball ramen after hours of studies..
-studying in NUS engin block.
-JP and i have matching cheapo shoes. its really good.
-brought dearest to bali thai
-pigeon dearest help to build the nest
-kingfisher snap outside dearest house
(fish and birds and animals are dearest favourite. )
-mexican food (and dearest loveeeeeeeeeeeee food!)
and puffy flew into my house, and i gave puffy to dearest mum.
she is sssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo cute lo. so small, so puffy!! chirpy sunbird
-study again..in library with the 6 cups card at galilee for only $12 something.
-daddy's birthday
-dearest help me catch elle. so cute... but we spend alot on him, i chose the blue one over the grey one
-bro's 16th birthday at Swenson.
-dearest got me 2 mickey mouse- Oct and Aug. sweet!
-after exam, blading with the uni-peeps
-puffy die(no more bird for now) , we bury him under a tree below his block
-nonya food i recommend to dearest
-we love blading!
-bought a cake for dearest- he say i seldom get him food..
-Jolene, less then a month old
-weihua's bdae in pasir ris chalet.
blading with the usual uni-click, but we had a full attendance that day(almost full)
picnic, kite flying with nm and aen
fishing, crayfishing, first time jigging for myself.
-brought dearest to helipad one day cos dearest feel like drinking.. in the end, we were so bored there..
-we got something from the lucky draw...
-tan clan- ah gong n his best friend
and the best part for the year- me and dearest first trip to perth!other then being a graduate la.
sister's convocation- yea!!! we're finally graduates
Aen's farewell bbq birthday in liying's condo. -study in Taiwan for free lei.
wesley birthday in sentosa
-dearest birthday cum our one year aniversary in changi hotel.
-we had jap food (our fav)
save money, take grad pics ourself. hehe.
my birthday initiate by this 2ladies. its a special friendship i cherish very much. love ya nm and liying.. ok and xinkai too
-and my quiet birthday picnic with dearest..i prepare all the food though.
-birthday pressy dearest got it so last minute.. haha
-met up with cousins again for lunch
-another photo of the elle and the minnie dearest got for me (we were crazy in catching toys in arcade.. spend hell alot..)
the only meet up i had with my poly friends.. all are busy with own stuff.
-first pool session with dearest, where i win none...
first accounts job with a bunch of lovely collegues. hopefully to get my career right here.
thats us in Region hotel for christmas lunch. yummy italian.
denise doggy.christmas outing with m and liying. impromptu dinner with BE Club
sebby birthday
christmas!!
-made a box for dearest , chuck all the nonsence inside and gave it to him.
-my christmas pressy from liying. love carousel!,
-getting the same shirts in the boutique.
that kinda sum up my 2009
and for a new year, i would stick with losing some weights, love my job, feel happy with what ever that has become lesser, love my notty boy,less spending but still travel.
