i know i'm very stress.. and its now 2.53am and im still up in the living room. i have cried numerous time.. eyes are swollen.
i have try not to think about work, i have try to walk in the forest in my dream, i try watching simple life in channel 5, try listening to 95fm from mp3, try listening to my other songs in MP3. and now, i ended blogging. i may go read a book later..
the worst thing is, im havng fleu and cough and it makes me feel more emo-ish. i just finish closing and it wasnt a good one. the 2 girls in my co =. had to end up doing my b/s and P& L for me. which is really bad, cos they know what to do and they were just trying to finsih my work for me. this is my first time closing a full set. and i'm already taken back with my ability in this field. i know i shouldnt think too much, i need more practise.
i don know if i'm moving too fast being in my position. im still learning though, but it has become tougher, my mind is swallowing every unwanted details, i'm lost with the whole procedure and there is no one i can realy turn to in my co. the bad thing about my co is, we are all doing our own stuff and we don't know what others are doing. i have no one to consult to when i have problems and there seems to be no team building in my co. we see each other parish and answer for themselves. its like a hassle to ask question.. no one tells you what to do, you just have to find it for yourself, but with the work load that im carrying, i feel like its hard to ask (infact there is no one to ask other then my boss though) i don like the idea of asking stupid question to my boss.
i had been busy for the past 2 weeks and i ot-ed everyday. my body was kind enough to help receive all the aches. but my mind had been deadly. its always in the scared mode, and the stressed i had during uni-exams has been hunting me again. my heart pound fast, i think of the negatives, i have the 'i can't make it' mentality. i couldnt sleep. i woke up in the middle of the night crying. my world close when people try to enter. i try to cheer myself with the 'i can earn alot in my future' which is really crapy, thinking you are not who you are to strive this much. its all coming back and i don feel myself being like this when i'm in Archi.
What are the odds that i may end up tendering. i can't feel myself serving well for the co. i had to end up asking the 2 girls for help in my next closing. maybe im not lucky with any job.. every job i got into, i end up reporting to my boss. can't i just be a normal acct assistant for a year? now i know why pple left the co. within 6 months. now i know why i always compare accts to archi, and archi ace it for most.
now iknow how its like to have insomnia, forcing myself and and cry for goodness sake. the medicne isnt working for me though, what kind of drowsy effect i have. im tired.. but my mind isnt stopping..
Fuck! i hate my job!!!
