tmr is the last paper and im already in my holiday mood.. nah.. i had the toughest fight in may. and its so hilarious that im actually fighting with a non living thing call exams and not some worthy dovey thing. i had to go to the doc because my heart ran as fast as a bullet train. i got myself into the world of my own, and i cry every single day in may without fail. tmd! and i need to eat medicine because of all this nonsence.. its really tmd because i feel like the lousiest girl in uol. i panick the slightest bit. i puked air, not eating, sleep like not sleeping and dread every single day and i hate night, cos its like i realise i havent study enough for the day at all.
but im so happy, so happy because even for the shittest month i have, i found love in my home and in my dearest. i hugged my mummy every time i cry and she comfort me with the 'just try your best ' line. yea, its really about the support i get from them. like my dad always say, 'aiyah its not the first time your being paranoid over exams, u get this everytime u have exam, stomachache headache, leg pain, whatever pain i can feel in my body, i think its very painful. i told dearest im really lousy because its jus an exam and to me its like im having some illness for the rest of my life. oh well, i still don get it why i feel this way because its the feeling like everyone walking around u are non-existence. and daddy say, 'fail then take next year loh, don spoilt your body because of this' and tadah! i felt awake and comfort. they never once pressured me in anything i do. 'i love them!!!
and dearest.. i owed him the most. and i guess i have to paid it up to him for my life now. he had been the only mountain i can lean on, giving me the best i could get.. when nobody is there for me, he appeared. he spend every single night revising law with me, read my notes, explain them into simple english, make sure i remember the impt points, asked his dad for abit of pointers. and do my MA question. imagine he had never read my notes before and he can even do decision making for me.. and read my audit notes. spot question for me and all came out right. im so glad i had him. for now, im very worried about his health because his ah gong is in the hospital, and his current work sux and he still had to calm me down. im so scared he is going to fall down soon..
its so nice when u found out who your friends are, to comfort u, tell u everything is alright. like sebby always say 'ni ke yi de la' 4 weeks after today and you'r in 'perth' or like, not everyone are good at what they do, but we still have to finish what we started so just bear with it. and the' dont think too much of failing'..its when u see who your friends really are when ur at the end of the road.
i hope my paranoid are going away soon, because i can feel them leaving me. im glad lah, they sux in my life... they should leave and never come back.
just had audit this morning and i havent nap yet, and gugu is treating us dinner at one degree 15 for dinner.. i wonder if i should go without napping.., or if i should stay home becos i got last paper tmr.. but today is 'duan wu jie' hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..
im going to nap now..
